So, every once in a while I send it out into the world yet again in hopes someone will sweep it up and publish it or at least represent it. The book has gotten requests, but it hasn't been anybody's perfect fit. So, I decided the thing to do this year was to take it-- in all it's workshopped, critiqued, written and rewritten glory-- into #pitchwars, an amazing contest run annually by Brenda Drake (whose books you should run out and buy right now, by the way because this women gives back to the writing community so much).
The problem was, at the very last minute, as I was submitting the thing I started a little freak out. My first chapter was just all wrong. I kept rereading it. Clearly too much back story. Clearly too much introduction to the normal life. The thing to do, I told myself, in second-guessing style, was to submit Chapter Two as Chapter One. Problem solved. I hit submit.
I regretted it.
But, too late. Problem so not solved.
For a week I told myself it would be fine.
At the appointed moment in the contest I realized I had received no requests. And no matter what you tell yourself, that just isn't a good sign. The announcement came and went. I was not selected for mentorship, which is round two of this particular contest.
I took it as the divine sign I needed. It's time to high tail it back to my new manuscript and get it submission ready. I have about six rounds of edits to do on the thing and I need to get going with a synopsis and query letter. My goal is to enter it in this year's Golden Heart. And this year there will be no second guessing or freaking out.
Meanwhile, today I received confirmation that my second-guessing/freak-out had not helped my pitchwars submission. My top choice mentor team graciously (and I will be forever grateful!) sent me feedback on my submission. The bottom line: they wanted to see her normal life before the moment that the story took off. I so should not have submitted Chapter Two as my Chapter One.
Don't get me wrong, hundreds of people enter this contest and I might have not gone any further regardless of what chapter I submitted, but my last minute freak-out cost me the opportunity to be considered in a serious manner along side that competition.
So, I'm promising to reform and trust myself from now on. Join me. Trust your work, trust yourself and trust the partners who have given you feedback along the way. The road to publication isn't turning out to be fast, or easy, or simple, but I am growing in so many ways and now I get to add another great lesson to the list.
Next stop, Golden Heart contest. I can't wait to see what I learn next!